Jan. 5th, 2017

baronessekat: (arms)
I'm hearing a lot of my friends in the SCA say that they have lost the fun. And I realized I have too.

The rush of getting a scroll assignment was almost giddy. Now I take an assignment and then find doing it to be a chore. I lost the joy and I don't know how to get it back.

I loved to serve. Autocrat, hold an office, teach. Now it's all ... eh.

At last night's Baronial 12th Night I was asked if I'm teaching at 3 Ravens at the end of the month and I said "not yet, and probably not". I used to love to teach there. But lately, teaching seems like a chore. I haven't had the drive to create any new classes and any time I teach one of my regulars I've gotten slack from members of a certain order that "you teach the same things all the time." "You should let others have an opportunity to teach those topics", etc. I'd love to have others teach their versions of my standard classes. But it seems that the only way I've been able to is to volunteer to teach, then get sick and ask someone else to teach in my place. Plus the fact that every time I teach one of my regulars... I get students. If no one came I'd know there isn't a need for the class. But there are times I'm having to turn students away because there's no room or say they are going to have to audit as I am out of handouts.

I just don't know how to find the spark again. I'm hoping this is all just a symptom/side effect of a lingering depression I know I've been fighting. But still.

I miss the fun

small steps

Jan. 5th, 2017 01:36 pm
baronessekat: (diet)
today was the weigh-in at work for the "maintain don't gain" over the holidays challenge. I dropped 5 lbs over the holidays. (just before Thanksgiving to today). No clue how it happened. But I will use this as the motivation to keep moveing forward.

Tonight - pace the hallway again for 30 minutes as I forgot my gym clothes at home. #putuporshutup

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