baronessekat: (quiet)
There has always been a slight tension in my mother's side of the family. At least it always felt like that. I tried to ignore it as I grew up. Up until I became peripherally involved.

For me it started at my father's wake. My Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave, my Godparents, indicated it was too far to drive to come to his wake/calling hours. 45 minutes to an hour was too far. Yes it was February but it was an incredibly mild February. Friends drove 4+ hours to come for the calling hours but my own family couldn't drive 45 minutes.

Then my Grandparents were put in a nursing home and the great clean out of their HUGE farm house began. My grandparents were old school and named my Uncle Dave the executor because he was the eldest male child. Not the eldest child. Not necessarily the most competent. Needless to say that my mother, the eldest, was annoyed. On top of that things started disappearing out of my grandparents' home. Some of which another uncle saw at a local flea market.

Then my grandparents passed and other items that had been verbally promised to certain members of the family ended up in my godparents' home because "there was nothing in the will saying they were specifically to go to you". Then if there were things that we did want from the estate we had to buy it. There are pieces that my grandmother had told me that I should take that I ended up not being able to, because I could not afford the appraised market value of the antique.

There is more I could go on about on how the tension between my mother and her brother increased. Mostly... no completely revolving around the execution of the estate. It was ugly.

Flash forward 5ish years and my mother passes away. I honestly do not recall my Uncle Dave ever once coming up to me at her memorials to say anything remotely like "I'm sorry for your loss" or offer any kind of condolence. To be fair he might have, but I don't remember it. There certainly wasn't any offer of help with dealing with the estate/cleaning of the house, my own move back to the Doma like my other Uncle did.

That was the last time I physically saw my Uncle Dave or any of that side of the family, though I am facebook friends with his children, my cousins - not that we ever really converse there.

My only contact with them has been through the mostly impersonal Christmas Cards every year. Just signed. No note or anything. Except for 4 or 5 years ago when the card had a message in it. "Your uncle is still in the hospital after his second amputation due to problems with his diabetes." That's how I found out my Uncle, my godfather, had been in the hospital and had had his second below the knee amputation. When I asked my Uncle Alan why no one had called me or Sis to let us know about the situation, he said he told them to call us as it wasn't his place and reminded them that they were my godparents and they should reach out. Never happened.

I sent him a get well card and some activity books to help him during his hospitalization. Never heard a peep from anyone. To this day I don't know if he even got them.

After that it was back to just signed Christmas Cards. I stopped making overtures. It was a why bother.

Then last night my Uncle Alan called. Dave had died that afternoon. He apparently had been in the hospital for over a month due to congestive heart failure and out of control diabetes. As before, no one bothered to let me or Sis know. I had seen via facebook that my cousins were in town, but had written it off to just visiting family. Had I known he was in the hospital, I would have gone. Buffalo General is not that far from me. Hell, of all the blood kin, his eldest son and I are the ones that live the closest to the hospital. I would have been there, helped to sit vigil. I may not have respected the man anymore, but he was still family. I could have put aside differences for duty, responsibility, for what was right.

But that is now one more drop in the bucket. I doubt now that there is anything more I can do.

I will go to the services when they finally make plans. That I did tell my Uncle Alan to please let me know when and where. I will go. I will say goodbye and mourn not just a lost family member, but a lost relationship.

And as I told Sis, when I called her with the news. At least we didn't find out via a Christmas card months later.


Nov. 17th, 2015 04:24 pm
baronessekat: (quiet)
Yesterday a member of my non-blood extended family passed away. It is not a surprise. We expected it. He is now not suffering. His blood family can rest from their vigil. Does not change the feeling of loss and grief.

He was always fun to spend time with. While not verbal, he was one of the most communicative people I knew. And his sense of humor was infectious.

I hope that now he can enjoy the peace, maybe know what it is like to run and taste food again.

But now I hurt for the family. I feel hurt that I cannot be there right now to help with things, things that I have experience dealing with. Even just to help make meals or the like. I hurt because I'm looking at finances and timing and hoping that I can at least go out to attend the services.

I feel like I am being selfish because I am not in a position to help. That I am in a position where I am not sure I can even go and that if I can't they understand.

But rest well Richard. You will be deeply missed. Not just by me, but by all whose lives you touched.


Apr. 17th, 2013 07:25 pm
baronessekat: (rose)
While in my arms as I rocked her, at 7:18pm on April 17, 2013 Alexandra Anastasia Ekaterinova took her last breath and joined her big brother Nicodemus Dmitri Ekaterinavich across the Rainbow Bridge.

She waited until the end of Cats to cross over. Somehow it was very fitting.

Rest Well

Jul. 14th, 2011 08:00 pm
baronessekat: (quiet)
Yesterday Grandma Molly (as she had become affectionately called) passed away. Grimmy and I both will miss her. Grimm knew which room to go to when we got to the 3rd floor and I say "Let's go see Grandma Molly".

She was a wonderful lady, even to the end she had that spark that I totally envied.

We will miss you gracious lady. But now you will be with the handsome man you talked so much about and be able to sit with your uncle and sing like you did when you were a young girl.
baronessekat: (rose)
Today during our weekly TDI visit, we learned of a passing of another friend.

Please be at peace Mr. John.
baronessekat: (rose)
When Grimm and I started volunteering at the Nursing Home. I fully expected that there would be times when I would walk into the home and be told that one of our regular friends was no longer with us. It's a fact. You work with older people, they will pass on.

However, I did not expect that the first person I was told to pass away was Mark. He was a Nurse on one of the units we visit every Wednesday.

He was 30.

I was told that he did not show up for work on Saturday. They called his sister, who works at the same Nursing Home. She called her folks who went over to his apartment and found him. He passed away sometime between Thursday night (his last shift) and Saturday. They said they think it was his heart.

I will be going to calling hours tomorrow night for him.

He was a good person, a kind individual and always had a smile and belly skritches for the Grimmy.

Rest well Mark. You are and will be missed.
baronessekat: (quiet)
I thought I had been doing pretty good about not letting today effect me.

Obviously not when my supervisor pulled me aside and asked if everything was OK.
baronessekat: (rose)
Song I wrote )
baronessekat: (rose)
Blanche Phyllistine Polk Telesco
November 19, 1923 - May 2, 2008
(she went by Phyllis though, Pop-Pop always called her Phil)

Nana in 1945

Nana in 1983

I found out yesterday that she had been in the hospital since the beginning of the week. I stopped today and got a get well card and a mother's day card for her.

My sister called tonight at about 10pm to say she had passed on around 7pm.

I know it has been hard for her over the last year or so. And like my sister, while I will miss her terribly, at least she is know free of pain and will now know what it is like to hear without aid.

I do not request sympathy for myself, but if you could keep my grandfather Michael in your thoughts I would appreciate it. He has lost his life companion of 66 years this evening.
baronessekat: (rose)
"Phillip Anderson, known in the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc as the Honorable Lord Ulric Wulfricson, Companion of the Scarlet Guard, Companion of the Millrind, Companion of the Golden Alce, Companion of the Keystone, Companion of the Raven's Feather, and Companion of the Black Talon, set out across the Bifrost Bridge on December 16 , 2007 CE. Having battled the pneumonia army, an enemy small in stature but vast in number, for weeks-- Ulric is now drinking with Odin and giving the Valkyrie grief. In keeping with his wishes, there will be no funeral for Phil, but friends will honor Ulric's long service to Thescorre, Pennsic, and the SCA in general as well as his prowess in archery and thrown weapons with a Viking funeral at this coming Pennsic. Ulric's Lady-wife, Katrina of York (Pam Anderson) requests that anyone wishing to pay tribute to Ulric or extend other expressions of sympathy consider making a donation to the Human Rights Campaign, World Wildlife Fund, or Planned Parenthood in his memory."

I knew Ulric and his lady-wife from my days living in Thescorre. He was one of those guys that you knew you could count on him.

He helped in one of my many moves when I lived in Rochester.

He and I received our Keystones at the same event.

At Pennsic I only ever saw him schlepping tables, chairs, moving street signs and dealing with the behinds the scenes stuff during the day and a happy smile and a beer in hand at night.

You will be missed my friend.

To those still living... I'm tired of losing people I know and like to stupid things. If you don't feel well, go to the doctor. Get a check up. Take care of yourself.

RULE #1 damnit!


Feb. 14th, 2007 11:33 pm
baronessekat: (rose)
rest well )
baronessekat: (rose)
Please be at peace and free of pain.

Robert Eugene Loper, Jr.
12/16/70 - 12/15/06
baronessekat: (quiet)
I should stop checking my livejournal before I leave for work. I had 5 minutes before I had to head out the door and I checked real quick and found that a friend of mine had passed away over the weekend.

While Wulf was someone I only interacted with at Pennsic, and even then wasn’t one I actively sought out when I was wandering, he was a constant. He was one of the first people to make me feel like it was OK to just drop by Kilkenny camp when I was looking for people to hang out with.

He always made me smile and even when I was feeling miserable, unappreciated and unwanted he always made me feel like he was happy I was there.

Rest well my friend. You will be missed.

Sleep Well

Sep. 23rd, 2006 09:04 am
baronessekat: (Default)
I learned that Caitlen Deirdre of Errelynn surrendered her long battle against cancer this morning.

I only met the woman a handful of times, but recall her always being a bright light of energy and happiness. Not to mention that she always had wonderful chocolate with her that was of her own creation.

I and [ profile] dicea were honored to be asked to do the scroll for her appointment as Royal Chocolatier. While I can't speak for Dicea, I had a lot of fun doing it. the wording was completely period but I did the calligraphy completely in Willy Wonka script and the illumination (done by Dicea) was based on the original drawings of Willy Wonka.

but in her memory I would share with you a copy of the scroll

The Willy Wonka Scroll
baronessekat: (quiet)
I came home today and poor Sunshine had set... on the bottom of the tank.

I think the boob at PetSmart lied. I asked if I could put the Beta in with the Mollies and he said I could.

Well... I guess I won't be getting any more for a while. See how Prose is with Moose.

I might get a small tank for Prose so he can have his own apartment and get new Mollies or guppies for the big tank. But that will have to wait until payday at least.



Jan. 31st, 2006 07:52 am
baronessekat: (quiet)
Spot hadn't been looking too good this last week or so. I don't think the weekend food I left when I went to Caer Christmas agreed with him.

But yesterday I thought he was looking much better.

I guess I was wrong.

He was a good fish. And pretty. I'll have to scrape my pennies together and get Sunshine a new friend since Prose seems to be rather agressive towards him, though it looked like he left Spot and Moose alone. Maybe it's because those two were/are neutral drab colors and Sunshines... welll not.

Prose might end up in a fish bowl if he doesn't calm down soon.
baronessekat: (tasha)
Sleep well Cuddles the Rancor, Mohawk the Longhorned Piket, Spike the Kimogila, Willie the Alpha Veermok, Bob the um... whatever mountable critter you are, Gaston the Nargalth Cub, Midas the Giant Peko Peko, Tzarina the Snorbal, and especially Caspian and Silas the beloved Male Tusk Cats.

may we meet again.

I miss you.

May. 8th, 2005 09:52 am
baronessekat: (Default)
I looked a the calendar and realized that Friday marked six months to the day that we said goodbye.

The memory is forever burned into my mind on how you looked at me and tried to reassure me that it was okay. That you were tired and it was time to go. It was so hard to let you go. I wanted you to stay. I wanted to find the miracle that would let you be with me for longer than the six years we had had together. But that miracle never came.

You were my best friend in so many ways. You comforted me through depressions and fears and lonelinesses that I thought I would never recover from. You knew just went I needed to be held and when I needed to be alone.

You made me laugh and look forward to seeing you every day.

I will never forget the feel of you next to me as I slept, the feel of your gorgeous black hair through my fingers and the sight of those devistatingly beautiful amber eyes looking at me with love and trust.

And I know you trusted me to do the right thing. Trusted me that I would help you. and I tried my beloved. I really tried to help you and comfort you and drive the pain away.

And while I know that the pain is now gone and you are no longer suffering,

The house is still a little emptier without you here.

And it is not just I who misses you. The others who came into your life and you touched in your unique way miss you too.

We promise to never forget you and will always love you.


baronessekat: (Default)

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