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ext_130709 (
sillyviking.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
baronessekat
2009-03-10 07:55 pm (UTC)
no subject
You get to the mood quickly, but you're using a past, inactive tense. For instance:
"I merged on the expressway right behind a salting truck and once again took note of the colors"
Could be:
"Merging behind a salt truck, I again noticed the color of the expressway."
This is a personal opinion: I like my writing to be concise.
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no subject
"I merged on the expressway right behind a salting truck and once again took note of the colors"
Could be:
"Merging behind a salt truck, I again noticed the color of the expressway."
This is a personal opinion: I like my writing to be concise.