ext_130709 ([identity profile] sillyviking.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] baronessekat 2009-03-10 07:55 pm (UTC)

You get to the mood quickly, but you're using a past, inactive tense. For instance:

"I merged on the expressway right behind a salting truck and once again took note of the colors"

Could be:

"Merging behind a salt truck, I again noticed the color of the expressway."

This is a personal opinion: I like my writing to be concise.

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