A Glimpse into my mind

6 years. Has it really been that long?

6 years since we signed the paperwork? Since we said it was time?

It is clearly burned in my memory of standing in the ICU with my sister and the minister as we said that it was time to let go and we'd be OK.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and want to ask you something, show you something, do something with you, wonder what you would think on a subject.

6 years since we got the call that you were gone.

I hope that wherever you are, you are at rest and happy.

It's been six years today and I miss you, Mom.

She would have been 66 today. Hard to believe she's been gone a year now. I miss her everyday.

Happy Birthday mom. I hope you are happy where ever you are.

Mom, we miss you so very much
On every Mother’s Day;
And not just then, but every minute,
Since you went away.

You were the center of our lives
Before your soul passed on;
It’s just so hard for us to believe
That you are really gone.

But we celebrate the life you lived
And all the things you gave us;
Our wonderful memories, Mom, of you
Are the things that will comfort and save us.

Please think of us, as we think of you
With hearts so full of love;
We’re looking up at you, sweet Mom,
As you look at us from above.

By Joanna Fuchs

Was a long but productive weekend.

Saturday dicea and I got the ceiling in the kitchen painted with one and a half coats of paint (ran out hense the half), moved the fridge, and got the base coat of the wall treatment on the kitchen walls up. We also went over the walls in the guest bath with scrapers to get the remains of the wallpaper residue off the walls.

This morning I got up and headed to Home Depot, Lowes and Walmart to get advice on the walls in the guest bath... see when they put them up, the walls over the shower were never primed. There had been wall paper on it for the entire time we lived there (though mom changed the wall paper once). I asked if there was a special primer or something I should do to make sure that the drywall is sealed since its a bathroom.

All three told me a couple coats of thick good quality primer then paint should be fine.

So at walmart I got more ceiling paint for the kitchen and Kilz2 sealer/primer.

Did another coat of paint on the ceiling of the kitchen. I might end up doing one more. I'll see how it looks next weekend.

Then primed the guest bathroom and got the bottom half of the walls painted. Next step in the guest bath is painting the upper half of the walls and putting up the border. Of course I need to read up on how to do wallpapering of anykind. Mom always did the wallpapering in our family.

Today while painting in the guest bath I got to really missing Mom. She had always been a fan of the do-it-yourself, Trading Spaces, home dec shows on TV (yes it's genetic, deal with it) and had often commented that she wondered what other people would do with some of the rooms of the house, though she was REALLY picky about colors. I remember her once saying that it would be her luck to go on Trading Spaces or the like and end up getting an Orange Room. I always had to bite my tongue to not point out that the living room and dining room of the Doma had... ORANGE shag carpeting. But I digress. I was painting the walls in the guest room and thought how much I would love for mom to see what I've done. Though I think she would have hated the 1/2 bath.

I made another batch of gizzies today since I still had ingredients left and didn't want them to go stale. And hell... any excuse to make gizzies. Just have to figure out a suitable bribe for the Boo to give me to had over some. *wink*

Later in the week I'll head over to the Doma after work and pick up the place so it's not a total disaster for when deadised and visrose comes up next weekend for the great plastering experiment. Also need to put the money I pulled out of the bank aside so that I have it for next weekend... gonna send some friends out with it while I work in the kitchen with visrose to go buy me a lawnmower. I really should have borrowed a neighbor's this weekend but it can wait one more weekend. I will mow it next weekend regardless. I will not be "that neighbor" on the block.

For now, though I'm going to go shower and try to scrub off the primer that is all over me.

Moo

I got a thing in the mail today from Upstate New York Transplant Services (UNYTS).


Her corneas were used in the international transplant program and have already been transplanted. One into a person in Cambodia and another in Thailand.

Even in the end, mom helped others.

They also have an online guest book

http://www.legacy.com/BuffaloNews/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=86464934

eventually I will have the brain ability to actually write about the last three days.

But for now, thank you to all who came, all who would have but not for mother nature, and all who couldn't but sent their love and well wishes.

I am probably going to be away from posting for a bit until I get things settled for myself. Or I get bored at work.

For those who would like to send a donation in my mother's name to her chosen charities
( the particulars )

dicea has posted the details for the calling hours and memorial service. I still request no flowers. I have a small apartment with 3 cats. Keeping flowers and plants safe is difficult and mom would have much prefered the donations.

I can't begin to express the amount of awe I feel for the outpouring I have received both directly and through dicea. It amazes me the extent of the generosity that is out there in the world. I wish I could send individual thank yous to everyone but I do not have the resources nor the time to do each justice. Please know that I and my sister thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.

While I am really happy with the general staff at the hospital and all I'm starting to get frustrated.

I have lost count how many times I have been asked what medication she was on. Last night while talking to the transplantation coordinator she asked. I said I had already toldlike 12 people and saw a nurse write it down at least once while she talked to mom's PCP.

But there was NOTHING in her chart.

This morning I get a call and expect it to be word about her pulonology consult for whether or not she will survive past the one hour window for organ donation after she gets off the vent. No it's the morning call from the neurology team to say there is no change. The nurse says she saw nothing in the chart ordering the pulonology consult or anything from "units" (aka the transplant coordinator)

This whole ordeal between the hospital and still not being able to find mom's life insurance policy has had me wanting to scream at the top of my lungs the immortal words of Mairi

WHERE'S THE DOCUMENTATION?!?!?!?!

In a little bit I'mgoing to head back over to mom's to continue looking and make more phone calls to see if I can locate someone who is holding the policy.

Yes we called State Farm (where mine and my sister's is through), we called First colonial (that dad's was through), we have gone through 7 years worth of pay stubs and check books. NOTHING. But I am still not ready to give up hope.

I also need to talk to our lawyer today about how to we get the estate expidited and funds freed as quickly as possible in case we can't find the policy and have to pay the $7k out of pocket.

To add to dicea's post ( Read more... )

For those who did not see dicea's post, ( the news )

But I ask all of my friends, if you have not already done so, sit down with friends and family and let them know your wishes for health care, DNR, no heroic measure, etc so that if something happens like an unexpected brain bleed, they know what you would want to happen. Get a health care proxy signed and kept some place safe. And don't think "Oh I'm in my 20's or 30's. What's going to happen to me?" Anna Nicole was 39. Car accidents happen. Wierd birth defects long dormant surface. If not for yourself, then for those who love you and will have to deal with too many other things in a time ofhigh stress and crisis.

I['m going to go try to get some sleep and I will update as I can.