do you know Baroness Freya? (i assume everyone knows her; certainly dicea and kate do)
she taught us an important statement that we've taken to heart: "You cannot impose on me, I will not let you." it's a sad perception, perhaps, that i suspect you have become "complicit in your own subjugation", to an extent, by allowing people to ask of you more and more, and sacrificing yourself to do more and more, because of a perception that if *you* personally don't do it, it won't get done. and so you have set a very high bar for yourself, consistently and over a long period of time — is it any wonder that people make those assumptions about your service, when for so long you have proven that that's exactly what you'll do?
on the other side, it sounds like you're reclaiming some of that personal space you for so long gave away for free. other people are no longer allowed to lodge their assumptions and expectations, rent-free, in your head, correct? then you have to be consistent and direct in saying no, drawing the line and holding it against all comers. sometimes defence is as simple as saying in the face of someone's assumption, "It's good to want things", and others, you're going to have to push back harder and deliver a summary of this post as an explanation of why no, you're not dropping everything to retain a reign for squire-brother So-and-So.
the key is consistency in the message, and even then, there will be the asshats who just Don't Get It.
"lead by example" is a guideline that applies to many things, both in terms of service and ceremony, AND in terms of self-definition. set the example of clearly and consistently defined boundaries of service, and show others how to set those boundaries so that they stand some chance of being able to avoid the trap of sacrifice-till-you-flameout-and-die.
the key to longevity in the SCA is finding the things YOU enjoy, be it the service (particular or otherwise), the people, the ceremony; and learning to be selective about interacting with those things that do not bring you joy. and the joy comes and goes over time; i'm currently in the lowest ebb in twenty years, because i can find nothing short of a few individuals who bring me joy, and i prefer to interact with them in other avenues than the SCA these days. it may come back; or it may be the SCA is finally an idea whose time has come... and gone. it may be that for you someday, or it may not. stop saying "We", and remember that setting and leading by example is something that all begins with "I", an "I" that must find its own pace, it's own point of balance, its own motivations and priorities.
i wish you all the best in finding that balance for yourself and your place in the Game, even if most others don't play it quite the way you choose to for yourself.
no subject
she taught us an important statement that we've taken to heart: "You cannot impose on me, I will not let you." it's a sad perception, perhaps, that i suspect you have become "complicit in your own subjugation", to an extent, by allowing people to ask of you more and more, and sacrificing yourself to do more and more, because of a perception that if *you* personally don't do it, it won't get done. and so you have set a very high bar for yourself, consistently and over a long period of time — is it any wonder that people make those assumptions about your service, when for so long you have proven that that's exactly what you'll do?
on the other side, it sounds like you're reclaiming some of that personal space you for so long gave away for free. other people are no longer allowed to lodge their assumptions and expectations, rent-free, in your head, correct? then you have to be consistent and direct in saying no, drawing the line and holding it against all comers. sometimes defence is as simple as saying in the face of someone's assumption, "It's good to want things", and others, you're going to have to push back harder and deliver a summary of this post as an explanation of why no, you're not dropping everything to retain a reign for squire-brother So-and-So.
the key is consistency in the message, and even then, there will be the asshats who just Don't Get It.
"lead by example" is a guideline that applies to many things, both in terms of service and ceremony, AND in terms of self-definition. set the example of clearly and consistently defined boundaries of service, and show others how to set those boundaries so that they stand some chance of being able to avoid the trap of sacrifice-till-you-flameout-and-die.
the key to longevity in the SCA is finding the things YOU enjoy, be it the service (particular or otherwise), the people, the ceremony; and learning to be selective about interacting with those things that do not bring you joy. and the joy comes and goes over time; i'm currently in the lowest ebb in twenty years, because i can find nothing short of a few individuals who bring me joy, and i prefer to interact with them in other avenues than the SCA these days. it may come back; or it may be the SCA is finally an idea whose time has come... and gone. it may be that for you someday, or it may not. stop saying "We", and remember that setting and leading by example is something that all begins with "I", an "I" that must find its own pace, it's own point of balance, its own motivations and priorities.
i wish you all the best in finding that balance for yourself and your place in the Game, even if most others don't play it quite the way you choose to for yourself.