Online gaming has not become more attractive than the events for me... but the idea of fishing, gardening and having some actual free time from what feels like I have 2 jobs (my 9to5 and the sca) does... It does seem that if I want any real time with my sca friends I have to see them outside the sca.. and then what about my non-sca friends.. I hardly ever get to see those.. and my family.. just feels like everynight is booked with alot of sca things (and if it's not booked with.. I should be working on something.. and if i'm not.. i'm that much farther behind) ... and I go thru periods of resenting it.. or better put.. I resent myself for not being able to say "no"... when I really want to. Plus... when I do say no.. I feel guilty.. like i'm letting someone down... or I say no.. and it gets ignored and somehow I end up getting sucked right back into it...
Not to mention in some cases it really seems as thou someone needs to walk on water before they are recognized... or that we are waiting to see just how burned out someone can get before they get recognized... i've seen it... and it is discouraging..
and yes.. i'm tired... burned out.. and would love to take a step back.. but can't just yet.. as I need to finish my predicssors term out... which I will.. but also need to step back...
My question is.. how do I not feel guilty for doing that... for wanting to just relax and chill and enjoy life for a bit... no drama, no "you *have* to do this", no more feeling guilty for not knowing how to say "no" because I don't want to hurt someone else's feelings... and yes.. been in counseling off an on about this for years...
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Online gaming has not become more attractive than the events for me... but the idea of fishing, gardening and having some actual free time from what feels like I have 2 jobs (my 9to5 and the sca) does... It does seem that if I want any real time with my sca friends I have to see them outside the sca.. and then what about my non-sca friends.. I hardly ever get to see those.. and my family.. just feels like everynight is booked with alot of sca things (and if it's not booked with.. I should be working on something.. and if i'm not.. i'm that much farther behind) ... and I go thru periods of resenting it.. or better put.. I resent myself for not being able to say "no"... when I really want to. Plus... when I do say no.. I feel guilty.. like i'm letting someone down... or I say no.. and it gets ignored and somehow I end up getting sucked right back into it...
Not to mention in some cases it really seems as thou someone needs to walk on water before they are recognized... or that we are waiting to see just how burned out someone can get before they get recognized... i've seen it... and it is discouraging..
and yes.. i'm tired... burned out.. and would love to take a step back.. but can't just yet.. as I need to finish my predicssors term out... which I will.. but also need to step back...
My question is.. how do I not feel guilty for doing that... for wanting to just relax and chill and enjoy life for a bit... no drama, no "you *have* to do this", no more feeling guilty for not knowing how to say "no" because I don't want to hurt someone else's feelings... and yes.. been in counseling off an on about this for years...