"What is a refusal to serve, if service itself is love?"

This statement appears to be somewhat flawed to me. Service isn't love, it is love made visible. It is a choice to express love that is a basic and ongoing truth through action. The lack of service does not equal a lack of love, it doesn't pan out in a logic statement or in practice.

Intentionally misinterpreting something as an excuse to start an argument or to claim insult isn't a healthy act of friendship and shows mistrust and fear when they are not warranted. There is no reason for there to be stress or conflict over any of this.