baronessekat (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
baronessekat) wrote2019-06-11 08:30 pm
baronessekat) wrote2019-06-11 08:30 pm
Entry tags:
Rapidly
I reached out today because I needed to tell someone. I am rapidly running out of "cope". The last two weeks have been sheer hell for my mental stability because of all the stress with the car.
Even after getting a new car lined up, I still had to deal with getting my deposit back from the other dealership. Then the current van decided to act up and won't start without a jump. When dear friends said I could borrow one of their cars for the next couple days, I broke. After getting their car I found myself sitting in the driver seat sobbing. Then later another friend PM'd me saying that they are currently off of work and if I needed rides anywhere to just give her a call.
The generosity just crumpled me.
I honestly cannot imagine how I'd be handling all this if I hadn't started back on brain meds back in February. Seriously, I do not think I could have handled it at all. as it is, I desperately wish I could just take a day off from work and not cope. But we are under a tight deadline at work for a presentation and I cannot take the time.
Add to all that, I'm woefully behind on something I need to do for Pennsic staff, have not started a scroll I have due in a couple weeks, the house is trashed and I need to get it to where I am remotely comfortable allowing a service person in the house to install a new TV provider so that I can save some money... and my sister will be here in two weeks and I can't let her see the place in this condition either.
I did reach out today and beg forgiveness from the class coordinators of the event this weekend and ask to cancel my class. Despite being something I have taught many times over the years, I just do not have the mental energy to prep for it, nor the physical energy to gather all the materials. I hate doing that. I feel like I have broken a promise. But honestly, if it were not that I had agreed to do something else for the event, I would not even go (despite being 3 miles from my house).
At this point, I am hoping that once I bring home the new car, some of this stress goes away.
But for now, I'm holding on to what little cope I have left by the skin of my teeth and my acrylic nails.
Even after getting a new car lined up, I still had to deal with getting my deposit back from the other dealership. Then the current van decided to act up and won't start without a jump. When dear friends said I could borrow one of their cars for the next couple days, I broke. After getting their car I found myself sitting in the driver seat sobbing. Then later another friend PM'd me saying that they are currently off of work and if I needed rides anywhere to just give her a call.
The generosity just crumpled me.
I honestly cannot imagine how I'd be handling all this if I hadn't started back on brain meds back in February. Seriously, I do not think I could have handled it at all. as it is, I desperately wish I could just take a day off from work and not cope. But we are under a tight deadline at work for a presentation and I cannot take the time.
Add to all that, I'm woefully behind on something I need to do for Pennsic staff, have not started a scroll I have due in a couple weeks, the house is trashed and I need to get it to where I am remotely comfortable allowing a service person in the house to install a new TV provider so that I can save some money... and my sister will be here in two weeks and I can't let her see the place in this condition either.
I did reach out today and beg forgiveness from the class coordinators of the event this weekend and ask to cancel my class. Despite being something I have taught many times over the years, I just do not have the mental energy to prep for it, nor the physical energy to gather all the materials. I hate doing that. I feel like I have broken a promise. But honestly, if it were not that I had agreed to do something else for the event, I would not even go (despite being 3 miles from my house).
At this point, I am hoping that once I bring home the new car, some of this stress goes away.
But for now, I'm holding on to what little cope I have left by the skin of my teeth and my acrylic nails.
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You've done so much for others, it's good to see good being done for you.
moo
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I so understand what it is like to have no cope and 100 different things that you need it for. Remember, you are loved.