baronessekat | I do not have the time to feel this way.

I'm tired, I'm beyond grumpy (I think it's leaning heavily into down right irritable and bitchy).

I'm feeling the strong and instense want and need to hermit away again for a while. Hide in my house, even ignore the cats and just be me and do things for me.

I feel pulled in 20 directions at once.

I want to see my friends. I need to. they are the family I made for myself.

I want to see my family, the real blood kin) I've enjoyed spending time with my mother these last two weekends shopping. (and not just because we're shopping for stuff for me)

I want to be active again and go to some events this summer.

But I have things I need to do.

I have a ton of sewing to do for Pennsic because nothing I own fits right anymore. And I have just realized that just about everything I'm making will be warm. I'm praying for cool to cold nights, crisp morning and moderate afternoons.

I have a scroll due for Pennsic I need to start really thinking and working on.
My house is a complete disaster. I've had to actively campaing to keep my mother from coming over just so that she doesn't see the place and I get "that look" or "that speech".

I don't have the time to just sit. I don't know when I'll have a full day to just work on anything that I need to do.

Yesterday was spending all afternoon with my mother (from 1 until 7:30). She took me shopping for clothes for my new job and out to dinner for a belated birthday. I had not planned on spending that much of the day out. I had thought maybe 4 hours at most and then I would have time to come home and cut something out before going to the movies with my Boo and Boogie.

I've been somewhat guilted into going to my aunt and uncle's house on the 4th. I had origianlly wanted to just hide all day and sew and clean and just ahve a day off. but we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving and those who know my mother know the voice she can use that while the words say "Aunt Patti called and asked if we wanted to come over for the 4th" the unspoken and very clear message is "what time are you going to meet me so we can go over to see your aunt and uncle that we haven't seen in months".

I got a "your grandfather called and was commenting on how he never hears from you or your sister". I was good and didn't say "did you tell him that unless I need something I don't generally pick up the phone to call you either". I did say "phone and email works both ways".

I really want to go to Pax and AEThelmearc Academy over the next two weekends. But financially and logistically how can I? I have too much to do.

I come home from work (lately it's been late due to being allowed overtime), grab a quick bite to eat, check the lj and then head upstairs to motivate working on sewing.

Hell today was the first day in a week that I've actually sat down to check my emails.

I am a creature and person of habit and schedule. I know and recognize that I do not do and function well when said habit and schedule have been thrown off kilter.

I'm sure most of what I'm feeling is due to that.

But at the same time... is it really so wrong to want a little me alone time?