Monday

It's Monday. I'm at work. I've been here 2.25 hours and accomplished next to nothing. Motivation is zip today.

Tzar is still gone. After waking up in the night due to the pounding rain, I was really not at all surprised to not see the food gone or the have-a-heart trap sprung. It's been 11 days since he escaped. I am not going to stop giving up hope. Praying for a Christmas miracle.

This has really been a hard holiday season for me. While it's the first one in a long time where I have not really had to penny pinch for gifts, my holiday enthusiasm is just not here. Between the general depression and loneliness and the cat, I'm dragging. And I don't know if it helps or hurts what Grimm and Talia are really missing Tzar and have become extra clingy (to where it's hard to even go to the bathroom without one of them following me and trying to sit on/near me while I'm busy)

I'm noticing the absences this year. The loved ones who are gone. The loved ones I haven't seen in a very long time and don't know when I will be able to see them. Heck, I'm even noticing the lack of drive to get special decorations out of the basement or moved into place from where they got put when I unpacked what I did get out.

The office is quiet today. People are here this week, but it's rather subdued for a Monday. Next week the office is going to be DEAD. We have Christmas Eve day and Christmas Day off. We also have New Years Eve day and New Years day off. So many are taking the three days of next week off to get a week and a half of time off.

I would very much like to just go home, put on ugly but comfortable clothes and curl up with a book or a movie or just stare off into space in the comfort of my own personal safe place.

I hope others are having a decent day. Or productive day. Or something. Someone should.

What if the person I'm competing with is myself?

December 17, 2012
Personal Standards
Cancer Daily Horoscope
As you move through your daily routine today, you may begin to feel apprehensive, especially if you feel that you’re not accomplishing as much as the people around you. Because it can seem that others are trying to outdo you or that you must compete with your colleagues or family members, you may become guarded or defensive. Your anxiety may dissipate, however, if you tell yourself that what others do matters less than how you feel about the progress you have made. If you’re still tempted to outperform others, challenging yourself to greater heights of achievement may help you focus more intently on the task at hand. You may discover that once you stop competing with others today, you have more energy to devote to your work or obligations.

Choosing not to compete with the people in your life allows you to live up to your standards without worrying about theirs. When you measure your achievements against other people’s accomplishments, it is easy to become defensive because there will always be someone who has accomplished more. Eschewing competition means you can narrow your focus and concentrate entirely on getting ahead rather than being distracted by the need to outdo someone else. Your aims will reflect your inner values and what you truly want out of life. The challenges you face will be ones you set for yourself, and no one else’s success will cause you to doubt yourself or your capabilities. Choose not to compete today, and you will be able to take greater pride in your accomplishments.