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No Seriously, it's not you, it's me
Nov. 5th, 2014 03:14 pmI made a post on FB this morning after seeing the posted lunch menu for an upcoming event.
Basically it was just a venting of frustration with my own self and body and saying that once again I get to deal with the "joys of having food allergies" and seeing that yet again I'm going to have to figure out a transportable lunch to take with me on a 3.5 hour trip to the event and then wait until the lunch block of time.
It really was just a frustration with myself. I would love to be able to try foods and eat what they put out at events. But when 80% of the menu is soy or egg based, I have to be cautious about the other 20% listed. Even with "normal and plain" sideboards I usually end up taking only bread and cheese and if it's a clear broth soup, maybe some of that.
I accept it. I've had severe food allergies all my life. My first allergy was diagnosed at 6 month old due to a severe reaction to soy based babe formula. It's just the way of my life.
So I don't eat the lunches and I certainly don't pay the additional $10-$20 for feasts. The last time I did pay for a feast, more to support my barony and the cook, I still ended up only eating 2 things brought out.
I hate myself because I have friends who love to cook and I just can't risk myself and support them by staying and eating their feasts.
I have several who have said "OH I can make a feast you can eat". Then comes the awkward bit of, I might be ABLE to eat it and not have a reaction, but then comes the "I just don't like it" aspect. I detest middle eastern food. Not flavor combinations I have ever liked. Anything pickled turns my stomach. There are so few vegetables that I like, and none of them period, so those are out. So you end up with roasted, but unseasoned beef or chicken, maybe a starch dish like armored turnips or a mushroom barley dish, and the usual bread and butter.
I can't explain to people who cook feasts that when they say "challenge accepted" or a variation of it, that it only makes me feel worse. It only points out that I am a "special needs" case. That I need to be catered to feast wise. I'm different and strange.
I realize my feastocrat friends who take on the challenge of making a feast that I and fellow allergy sufferers can eat are doing so to show they care, and while I cannot speak for the others, I wish they wouldn't. It really doesn't help. Not for me. Because I still won't eat it. Then I get the overwhelming feeling of guilt because I then find out they made it with me in mind and I have to say they went to all the trouble for nothing. I didn't stay for or eat the feast. And because I was raised in a family were food preparation and serving was a way we showed love, and then not eating the food was a proverbial slap, it only makes me feel like a complete bitch and ungrateful.
And I cannot figure out ways to say that to those that say "challenge accepted". Because when I do say "thank you but don't. I won't be eating the feast regardless" I completely feel like I'm insulting them. I have had them argue "but I know I can do it and I will". I end up just shrugging and saying "whatever makes you happy". And I depart feeling unsupportive and miserable, because it falls back to the "I need to be catered too because I'm a special snowflake" and I was told from a very early age to not to draw attention to my differences.
Smile and nod, pay the extra $10 for some plain rice and cheese and hope you can find something along the way home and spend just as much again later.
Seriously it's not you, it's me. And please stop pointing that out. I hate myself enough as it is.
Basically it was just a venting of frustration with my own self and body and saying that once again I get to deal with the "joys of having food allergies" and seeing that yet again I'm going to have to figure out a transportable lunch to take with me on a 3.5 hour trip to the event and then wait until the lunch block of time.
It really was just a frustration with myself. I would love to be able to try foods and eat what they put out at events. But when 80% of the menu is soy or egg based, I have to be cautious about the other 20% listed. Even with "normal and plain" sideboards I usually end up taking only bread and cheese and if it's a clear broth soup, maybe some of that.
I accept it. I've had severe food allergies all my life. My first allergy was diagnosed at 6 month old due to a severe reaction to soy based babe formula. It's just the way of my life.
So I don't eat the lunches and I certainly don't pay the additional $10-$20 for feasts. The last time I did pay for a feast, more to support my barony and the cook, I still ended up only eating 2 things brought out.
I hate myself because I have friends who love to cook and I just can't risk myself and support them by staying and eating their feasts.
I have several who have said "OH I can make a feast you can eat". Then comes the awkward bit of, I might be ABLE to eat it and not have a reaction, but then comes the "I just don't like it" aspect. I detest middle eastern food. Not flavor combinations I have ever liked. Anything pickled turns my stomach. There are so few vegetables that I like, and none of them period, so those are out. So you end up with roasted, but unseasoned beef or chicken, maybe a starch dish like armored turnips or a mushroom barley dish, and the usual bread and butter.
I can't explain to people who cook feasts that when they say "challenge accepted" or a variation of it, that it only makes me feel worse. It only points out that I am a "special needs" case. That I need to be catered to feast wise. I'm different and strange.
I realize my feastocrat friends who take on the challenge of making a feast that I and fellow allergy sufferers can eat are doing so to show they care, and while I cannot speak for the others, I wish they wouldn't. It really doesn't help. Not for me. Because I still won't eat it. Then I get the overwhelming feeling of guilt because I then find out they made it with me in mind and I have to say they went to all the trouble for nothing. I didn't stay for or eat the feast. And because I was raised in a family were food preparation and serving was a way we showed love, and then not eating the food was a proverbial slap, it only makes me feel like a complete bitch and ungrateful.
And I cannot figure out ways to say that to those that say "challenge accepted". Because when I do say "thank you but don't. I won't be eating the feast regardless" I completely feel like I'm insulting them. I have had them argue "but I know I can do it and I will". I end up just shrugging and saying "whatever makes you happy". And I depart feeling unsupportive and miserable, because it falls back to the "I need to be catered too because I'm a special snowflake" and I was told from a very early age to not to draw attention to my differences.
Smile and nod, pay the extra $10 for some plain rice and cheese and hope you can find something along the way home and spend just as much again later.
Seriously it's not you, it's me. And please stop pointing that out. I hate myself enough as it is.
