Challenge Question #3: Who am I? 24601!!!!!!

[baronessekat]

unique_name_123 asked: I know something about who you are today, but nothing about how you got that way. How did you get to be the person you are?



Family background:

My mother is 99.999999% German, raised in Akron and Medina, NY to a farming family, the eldest of 5 children (her, two brothers and two sisters). She was the first on that side of the family to go to college and graduate with a degree (my Great-Great aunt went to Buffalo Teachers College and earned a certificate to teach but this was before it became Buffalo State College and offered degrees). She even went on to earn a Master’s and became a Home Ec teacher at Amherst Middle School. She also was active in 4-H as a leader and volunteer.

My father was born in Charleston, SC to a mixed ethnicity family (mostly English and Italian with a smattering of German, French and Dutch thrown in). My grandfather was ARMY. They moved around a lot. I know they were stationed in Germany when Dad was in his early High School years and then San Francisco where he graduated high school and earned an Associate’s Degree at a community college somewhere in California. He then went into the Army as well. He served DURING Vietnam but not IN Vietnam. The story I was told was that at the time he had just started seeing some Superior Officer’s daughter (who he said was Sharon Tate – yes THAT Sharon Tate) and she pulled some strings with her father to get him stationed stateside doing Media and Information distribution work. I believe that my father always felt a bit guilty that he never went over to Vietnam during the war, though he never said it outright.

When I asked my mother how they met, she told me that they met “when your father broke into my apartment”. What actually is the case is that they lived in the same apartment building somewhere in Buffalo. Mom had managed to lock herself out of her apartment and a neighbor who had been trying to hook her and Dad up went and got him and he helped get the door open for her.

They were married sometime in the middle of July 1971.

On to me:

I was born on a Wednesday. That alone should tell those who know me something. It was on June 27, 1973 at 3:17pm at DeGraff Memorial Hospital in North Tonawanda, NY. I was originally due on June 17th (which was Father’s Day) but had the gaul to be 10 days late. My mother said that she suspects that was where my constant “battles” with my father started.
My father wanted to just call me Tina but my mother put her foot down and said that since she never had the chance to have any variations on her name, she would not saddle me with that. So Kristina was chosen. I was told that Kristina (or any spelling variation therein), at that time was “not common” but of course the day my birth was announced in the paper, 7 other Christina, Kristin, Christine and so on were announced as well. I was given the middle name of Lynne. Never knew where that came from other than my cousin Nicole’s middle name is Lynn.

When I was an infant my father worked nights while my mother taught school so my formative years were with him. When I was little, little I was a girly girl. I loved dresses and stuff. But when I was around three I got a new Easter dress and ran to show my father. I very clearly remember him nodding in acknowledgement and then as I was walking away hearing him say under his breath “Though there are a lot of times I really wanted a boy.” Right then and there I stopped liking dresses and stuff. It’s only been the last 10 year or so that I’ve grown to like dresses again.

My father also ran my life very militaristically. I lived in a constant state of emotional abuse from him. Constantly being put down, told I was fat, ugly stupid, boyish and would never get a man when I grew up. My bedroom was inspected constantly for the state of cleanliness that no kid could hope to achieve. My mother apologized to me when I was 20 for not stepping in when she saw what he was doing.

I was also a very clumsy child who bruised easily. My mother was always terrified to send me out to play in shorts during the summer for fear the neighbors would think that they were beating me. My bruising easily never went away, though I did manage to become “less” clumsy as I grew up. I joke about my clumsiness with saying that I was so bad that I had to take “remedial phys ed” when I was in elementary school. Which I did. I used to get teased a lot because of it. I had wanted to learn to dance after one of the phys ed teachers said that it would help with my coordination. But my mother said no. Her statement was that it was because you never really learned to dance. All you ever did was spend a year preparing for a recital. Dad backed her up by saying I was too clumsy to dance and would only hurt myself if I tried.

Their attempt to bring coordination to me was to get me involved with runway modeling with I was between the ages of 4-7. Me, yes me. I did runway work at Eastern Hills Mall during the mid-late 70’s. Through that I had the opportunity to be an extra in a low budget movie called “Tuck Everlasting” which was made in 1979. You never see me in the crowds but I’m there. And I found that to be a very interesting experience, though I never wanted to do it again.

My first experience with death came with I was 5. My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Joy Glover, died over Christmas break of a heart attack. She was close to retiring when it happened so I hear she had a nice long life. But that was when I realized people went away and didn’t always come back. I don’t cope well with that concept, even now 31 years later.

Starting in 2nd grade I got involved in acting on the stage. Little silly elementary school plays but I loved it. We did at least one a year and I always was there in one of the major supporting roles, but never a star. But my real enjoyment was the backstage stuff. Being stage crew was lots of fun. I loved the backstage “things you never see” aspects of it all. I stayed with stage crew all the way through college. Well, I did crew for musicals and acted in the plays. Me + singing was not a good combination. Even now it’s not something I like to do in public.

I started playing the flute when I was in 3rd grade. Taking a musical instrument was never going to not be an option. I didn’t mind. Though I was shot down for the instrument I wanted to play. I wanted to play the saxophone. Instead my father gave me the options of flute or clarinet. I went with flute as I never liked the sound of a clarinet. I stopped playing after 9th grade. I played long enough to get my music credit and got to Disney World with the marching band.

Academically in elementary school I did “OK”. The problem was that I was bored. They never really challenged me there. And I knew how to play it with the teachers that they never seemed to notice that I was. So when other students were given books two or three grade levels ahead of them they did not for me. I didn’t care. I had a library card and was reading the same things at home. But it wasn’t until 6th grade when Mr. Hoffman noticed that my “for fun” books were things his 8th and 9th grade daughters were reading for school that I finally had someone encourage me (who was not my mother) to push myself and reach out for challenges.

When I was 9, my sister was born. I liked having a little sister. Though I resented the fact that lots of things changed when she came along. When my mom was off of teaching for the summers, we always had one day of “doing something”. Usually it was Tuesdays and we would do things like go to the zoo, Artpark, the aquarium, and other “adventures”. That stopped when Terri came along.

Jr. High was ok. Nothing exciting there. Though I found my love of history and social studies there.

Then along came high school. All I can say was that it was the best of times and the worst of times. It was finally in 10th grade that I was diagnosed as numerically dyslexic and not just lazy with my math. Geometry – loved it. Very few numbers and lots of letters. Unfortunately because I did so well in Course II math (where it was all geometry) they moved me from regents level to honors level for Course III. This was a mistake. I totally missed all the foundation work for Trig. I entered a class where they already had basics in honors Course II and I had to try to play serious catch-up. And because of the rest of my class schedule I could not switch out to a regents level of the class. That was the one and only class I was never hounded by my parents for a GPA of higher than 95. With the help of a very patient and math oriented best friend tutoring me, I passed the class with a 76 that year.

My Senior year of high school saw me out a lot. I was officially absent from school 86 days that year. I had Mono and some other serious health issues. Even so, I took three AP classes and passed with flying colors. I graduated 14th in my class with a GPA of somewhere around a 98%. And even then I was still asked “what happened to the other two points?” (did I mention almost failing math my junior year??? And they wondered where the other two points were)

Socially I was in the group of kids that never fell into a category. Perhaps I mostly was categorized “honor student”. I was not in the popular crowd, but I had friends who were. I was not in the “art gangs” but I had friends there. I was not a “bandy” or “chorus crowd” but again, had friends who were. And since I never tried to be any of those things I wasn’t a “wannabe”. I had a core group of friends that I was close to. Unfortunately I am only in contact with one of them now. And I only recently reconnected to her through Facebook. I had only one official boyfriend in High School. That lasted 3 weeks. He got clingy very quickly. I also never attended any prom. My mother would not let me ask my friend Fred to be my date to my Jr. Prom. See… Fred was black. While she claimed she was not prejudiced she was never happy that I was friends with Fred. (Didn’t matter that his father was a very successful and well known Dentist and mother was a lawyer). After that argument with her I once asked her which would be worse – me coming home with a black man or a white woman. She never answered me.

Outside of school my biggest time draw was 4-H. I learned to sew and cook and bake and do minor electrical stuff and crafts and through which I gained my true love of photography. I participated in the annual Public Presentations, Clothing Reviews and Bakeoffs. I entered the county fair every year with a ton of entries. My summers were spent working everyday on my entries. Most years I was in competition with Mark Wittmeyer as to who would have the most entrants that year. Most times Mark won only because he was a farm kid and could do the vegetables and animals that I could not. Looking back this is where my competitive nature really kicked in. I learned to see what you needed to do to get what you wanted to get. And Blue ribbons were the only options. Red were not tolerated, whites were inconceivable. Let me tell you, the year I got a “no award” because my banana bread had the cakey uncooked layer at the bottom was not a good year for me mentally. The absolute horror and self-loathing that I felt when Mrs. Timmel cut into that loaf and opened it up and we saw that doughy part was near crippling. I went home and made something like 15 banana breads until I could make it without that stupid cakey layer. That was also the year that I learned that I cannot make a pie crust to save my life.

I received numerous scholarships for college through both school and 4-H. I went on to attend St. John Fisher College in Rochester, NY with a plan of study for Anthropology and History with a concentration in Secondary Education. I wanted to be a social studies teacher. That or work for national geographic. Fisher was a third choice for schools. I first wanted to attend the University of New Hampshire. They had the most exciting Anthropology department I had seen. But my parents nixed that one because “there is no easy way to get there from here”. My second choice was the University of South Carolina at Columbia. They had a forensic anthropology department and it was NOT home. This one my parents were leery about. Despite me pointing out that it was only 2 hours away from family in Charleston. The other schools I had been accepted into where Fisher in Rochester, UB and Buf State. UB and Buf State were not acceptable to me. I wanted to go away to school. There would have been no way I would have been allowed to stay on campus if I went to either Buffalo school, especially since during my Sr. year of High School, my father lost his job and money became tighter.

The best thing I ever did for me was to go away to school. 1 ½ hours away was enough distance. I was not ready academically to go to college. I had made it through all of my previous educational experience without having to do much in the way of thought. Except for math, school required very little effort for me. Add to that, they never taught honors kids HOW to study, I was really not ready for academics. And my advisor was not very good at advising.

I stopped the secondary education track 2 years in as I learned that I did actually like the philosophy that was being taught there. And all my student teaching was in inner-city schools. I became disheartened very quickly. I instead turned my academic attention to Anthropology (specifically Physical), History and Comparative Religions.

While, at the end of 4 years, I walked across the stage, I did not graduate. I am about 1 semester short. My parents suspected but I never told them that I never finished my degree. I needed to not be in school anymore. I keep saying that someday I will finish. But when I have the possible money, I do not have the time and vise versa.

While in college my father was officially diagnosed with “Multi-systemic atrophy” which is a rare form of Parkinson’s disease. Looking back my family and I could see the early signs of the disease but it took forever to find doctors who were able to officially diagnose it. Basically he had all the symptoms of Parkinson’s without the shaking. Because of this, my father was a very different man for my late teens, early twenties. I often say that my sister and I are only children who happen to be siblings and had very different parents.

In college is where I found a couple activities that I really enjoyed. One was a direct result of the other. The roommate of my freshman year peer adviser became a good friend of mine. One Friday night she was bored and called me up and asked if I wanted to go to Rocky Horror with her. Equally bored I agreed. We started going every weekend Friday and Saturday night. It wasn’t too long before we became part of the performing cast. I started out as working the lights. But then got dragged in front of the lights for the role of Magenta then eventually Janet. I did that for 4+ years.

Through Rocky Horror I met the girls that would become known as the Sisters of St. Luke (Portia, Roxanne and Una). And through those three I found the SCA. The three came to a performance in garb, having come from an event that same day. I asked about it and before I knew it I was being wisked away to my first local event.

My first event totally captivated me and I was hooked for life. The boyfriend I was with at the time was also in the SCA and because of following him to fencing practice and the like, I became more involved with the SCA, took up fencing and eventually became a baronial fencing marshal. The boyfriend went away, the SCA stayed.

I met and joined the Caer. They are my SCA family and family of choice. They helped me find myself more. They encouraged my interests and advised me when I needed. They gave me a safe place to be and introduced me to my girls.

Outside of the SCA I worked retail, then worked for a Home Health Care Agency. I lost the HCA job and went to work for the University of Rochester Medical Center in the Psych ED. I really liked working there. My boss was wonderful and even though I do not work there anymore, I still stay in touch with him.

When my job at the UofR went away after almost 5 years there, I moved back to Buffalo to be closer to my mother and Kate and Dicea. I got a job at a law firm working as a legal assistant. I hated that job. After that I went to work for a collection agency as an Admin Assistant. I liked that job. But cost cutting made my job go away. I then went to work for Bridges TV. It was a job. I neither liked or disliked it up until February 12, 2009 when the Owner and my Boss murdered his wife and my other boss in the office. After that it was only a matter of time before they realized that without an executive, they didn’t need an executive assistant. After Bridges, I came to work where I do now. A CPA firm as a Admin Assistant.

In the span of 7 years (2000 to 2008) I lost many loved ones. My father (which I never really felt anything either way about ) to Parkinson’s related pneumonia, an aunt on my mother’s side to leukemia, my maternal grandfather to a series of strokes, my maternal grandmother to a stroke, my cousin Bobbie to stomach and colon cancer, my mother to an aneurism, my paternal grandmother to illness and my Knight to injuries due to an accident. I also said goodbye to many friends and acquaintances in the SCA as well.

I now live in the house I grew up in with 3 cats and a chihuahua, working at a job I enjoy, have love and family.

And that, my dear friends, is how I got to be who I am.