Reflections
Aug. 18th, 2015 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baronessekatI’ve been home from war for over a week now. Still trying to process thoughts, actions, emotions. War has always been a bit tough for me. Way too many people around me, but often feeling utterly and totally alone. This year was very tough in that aspect.
The weeks leading up to war were stressful and at times made me really wonder if I should bother going at all. Was it worth all the stress to make sure things went smoothly? Would anyone even care?
I did not spend much time in camp at all this year. In the past I would at times go and sit under my pop up and just be. But this year I just couldn’t do it, beyond the little bit of sitting there while waking up and having breakfast. New people, welcome people, in the camp this year, but that only helped to point out those not there. Despite the fact that it has been many years, this year I really felt the absence of The Ladies, The Girls, Boss. The latter especially. There were times I felt his presence, or even got a whiff of his aftershave on the breeze, but it’s just not the same as turning and seeing him sitting in the shade, restrapping a sword and looking up and giving that smile. Or being able to go for the long walk around the lake or battlefield talking through stuff.
Absences were also strongly felt when every day someone would ask me if the Girls were coming to war.
I did not spend much time in High Rafters this year. I went for some visits, and they took good care of me when I decided I needed to get seriously Not Lost one night. But the Living Room had a slightly different layout this year and it just felt wrong to me. So while I would stop in and visit a little with folks, and got to have some good chats with one of my un-laurels, I just could not stay there much.
New location and dynamics in the meal plan camp made me uncomfortable too. I tried. And I am glad I was able to go there when I had an interpersonal issue that I needed to talk to my other un-Laurel about, but it again wasn’t home.
I spent most of my time either at the Watch (big surprise), in the Poodle, occasionally in Motorpool, but mostly when I wanted some just sitting time, I found myself sitting on the bench outside the Mayor’s office. It was the closest to feeling home this year. And it gave me a chance to get to know the Mayor more than in the past, despite the fact that I’ve known Frog for decades. And by the end of war he and I seemed to be sharing a brain and often finishing each other sentences or saying “I know, right?” when the other made an observation on other people we were dealing with. He and I had a couple good conversations though, and some of that helped with my frame of mind and my place in the “grand scheme of things”.
At different points throughout the war I found myself being the Peer to my Students that were there.
• I officially offered a belt to my second Un-minion. He and I had a good long talk about it, his relationship with his Knight and how I saw myself and our potential relationship fitting in with it and just general thoughts and expectations on both parts. We left it with that he would think about it and get back to me.
• I got to herald the court that saw my first Un-Minion get named a Baroness of the Court. Even with the death glares she gave me, I couldn’t have been prouder of her. And being a sounding board for her when she got stressed when responsibilities and duties got thrust on her suddenly, which then caused friction with another on the team.
• Minionus Maximimus had a moment of crisis and he remembered that he had a Peer to talk to about a concern over a rumor he heard. We talked it over and we worked out a plan of action, which he followed and resolution was found.
• Didn’t get to spend much time with Minionus Minimus but what time we did get, was good as I was able to help “rescue” her from overprotective father. Even though it was still “in my custody” she was able to get a bit of relaxation/down time. Every other time I saw her, she was busy working.
• During War Week I had several instances of talking with Un-Minion #2, helping him process emotions of a sudden change of status in another relationship. We both knew that change was coming, but timing at times can suck. We also talked about his goals for future years and hopefully how I can help some with achieving them.
On a social level, I got to spend time with folks I do not see other than at war. This resulted in a couple conversations and interactions that I am still trying to process, but will not do so here or publicly. But one thing that got me was that on completely different occasions, 4 different people said some variation of “but you’re married, right?” *sigh*
But there were other good conversations. I was told that Watch One for Pennsic 46 will either be myself or Dietrich. Hopefully we will find out sooner than later what Mayor 46 decided. Either way, Dietrich and I had conversations and agreed that whoever got it, the other would be Watch Two. We were also told that Mayor 47 said that whomever Mayor 46 doesn’t pick, he wants.
Watch One for next year and I had several long conversations about her ideas for next year and how she wants to work my knowledge and experience into moving the department forward. She already has agreed to keep up the communication throughout the year so there are no sudden surprises three weeks before war like this year.
I had a conversation with My Prince about a concern I had. He listened, asked questions and let me know that he would give strong consideration to what I had to say. That was nice. To give my Royalty my voice and not be dismissed.
I’m not really sure what I ended up taking away from War other than my mental recharge from being there. But I do have things to think on, plans to make, goals to attain. But, my car didn’t die, I had hot water and power when I came home and a job to go to. So it could have been worse.
The weeks leading up to war were stressful and at times made me really wonder if I should bother going at all. Was it worth all the stress to make sure things went smoothly? Would anyone even care?
I did not spend much time in camp at all this year. In the past I would at times go and sit under my pop up and just be. But this year I just couldn’t do it, beyond the little bit of sitting there while waking up and having breakfast. New people, welcome people, in the camp this year, but that only helped to point out those not there. Despite the fact that it has been many years, this year I really felt the absence of The Ladies, The Girls, Boss. The latter especially. There were times I felt his presence, or even got a whiff of his aftershave on the breeze, but it’s just not the same as turning and seeing him sitting in the shade, restrapping a sword and looking up and giving that smile. Or being able to go for the long walk around the lake or battlefield talking through stuff.
Absences were also strongly felt when every day someone would ask me if the Girls were coming to war.
I did not spend much time in High Rafters this year. I went for some visits, and they took good care of me when I decided I needed to get seriously Not Lost one night. But the Living Room had a slightly different layout this year and it just felt wrong to me. So while I would stop in and visit a little with folks, and got to have some good chats with one of my un-laurels, I just could not stay there much.
New location and dynamics in the meal plan camp made me uncomfortable too. I tried. And I am glad I was able to go there when I had an interpersonal issue that I needed to talk to my other un-Laurel about, but it again wasn’t home.
I spent most of my time either at the Watch (big surprise), in the Poodle, occasionally in Motorpool, but mostly when I wanted some just sitting time, I found myself sitting on the bench outside the Mayor’s office. It was the closest to feeling home this year. And it gave me a chance to get to know the Mayor more than in the past, despite the fact that I’ve known Frog for decades. And by the end of war he and I seemed to be sharing a brain and often finishing each other sentences or saying “I know, right?” when the other made an observation on other people we were dealing with. He and I had a couple good conversations though, and some of that helped with my frame of mind and my place in the “grand scheme of things”.
At different points throughout the war I found myself being the Peer to my Students that were there.
• I officially offered a belt to my second Un-minion. He and I had a good long talk about it, his relationship with his Knight and how I saw myself and our potential relationship fitting in with it and just general thoughts and expectations on both parts. We left it with that he would think about it and get back to me.
• I got to herald the court that saw my first Un-Minion get named a Baroness of the Court. Even with the death glares she gave me, I couldn’t have been prouder of her. And being a sounding board for her when she got stressed when responsibilities and duties got thrust on her suddenly, which then caused friction with another on the team.
• Minionus Maximimus had a moment of crisis and he remembered that he had a Peer to talk to about a concern over a rumor he heard. We talked it over and we worked out a plan of action, which he followed and resolution was found.
• Didn’t get to spend much time with Minionus Minimus but what time we did get, was good as I was able to help “rescue” her from overprotective father. Even though it was still “in my custody” she was able to get a bit of relaxation/down time. Every other time I saw her, she was busy working.
• During War Week I had several instances of talking with Un-Minion #2, helping him process emotions of a sudden change of status in another relationship. We both knew that change was coming, but timing at times can suck. We also talked about his goals for future years and hopefully how I can help some with achieving them.
On a social level, I got to spend time with folks I do not see other than at war. This resulted in a couple conversations and interactions that I am still trying to process, but will not do so here or publicly. But one thing that got me was that on completely different occasions, 4 different people said some variation of “but you’re married, right?” *sigh*
But there were other good conversations. I was told that Watch One for Pennsic 46 will either be myself or Dietrich. Hopefully we will find out sooner than later what Mayor 46 decided. Either way, Dietrich and I had conversations and agreed that whoever got it, the other would be Watch Two. We were also told that Mayor 47 said that whomever Mayor 46 doesn’t pick, he wants.
Watch One for next year and I had several long conversations about her ideas for next year and how she wants to work my knowledge and experience into moving the department forward. She already has agreed to keep up the communication throughout the year so there are no sudden surprises three weeks before war like this year.
I had a conversation with My Prince about a concern I had. He listened, asked questions and let me know that he would give strong consideration to what I had to say. That was nice. To give my Royalty my voice and not be dismissed.
I’m not really sure what I ended up taking away from War other than my mental recharge from being there. But I do have things to think on, plans to make, goals to attain. But, my car didn’t die, I had hot water and power when I came home and a job to go to. So it could have been worse.
