Screaming into the void
Oct. 30th, 2025 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baronessekatIt's been a long time since I posted anything here. But today I feel the need to scream out into the void and maybe have the void kinda listen and maybe have a small response, but all my other post into the void sites have people who are too close to the subject.
For the 2nd year in a row I have been organizing an Advent Holiday Ornament Exchange. (I was a participant for one year then organized it last year and this year). The premise - 25 people make 25 handmade ornaments, I collect them all, and pack them up so 25 people get a different ornament to open each day from December 1st to December 25. Yes, I know advents are 1-24, I can't count so I ended up with 25 people signing up.
The due date to get their ornaments to me was September 30th. This was to give me time to see what size box/bag I would need to hold the 25 ornaments and give a little wiggle room for the inevitable "I just need one more week, sorry" that always happens.
Packing party day is November 1st. As of today, October 30th I have 24 sets of ornaments. It's the 25th person who is driving me to the point of rage and fighting the urge to quit this all for good.
She signed up last year and half way through the year contacted me saying that life was too much and she had to drop out. But she said she had more than half of the ornaments done so she would now have plenty of time to complete the rest for this year. I understood - life happens. So when the sign up for this year happened, I let her join because I was going with the she had more than half done already.
Throughout the year I would post to the FB group for the project asking how people were doing and if they anticipated any issues withe the delivery date. She would respond with that she was on track. Great!
Then came August. I sent out a reminder of the end of September due date. Other participants did the "Oh crap, gotta finish mine right away". She was silent. September came - silent. I messaged her directly and after several pokes got "I just have 6 more, I may need a week or so". OK. October 1st arrives and I contact the few stragglers about when I can anticipate delivery. She's silent. I poke SEVERAL times and end up having to ask a mutual friend to reach out on my behalf because I feel like I'm being ignored. Mutual friend comes back with "she says she still has 6 to do and will get them to me by October 18th.
The weekend of the 18th comes and goes with her ignoring my messages of "when can I expect you to stop by with your ornaments?" Ask mutual friend to step in again. Straggler finally messages me at 10pm on Sunday saying "I still have 6 more. I can bring them to packing day". I tell her that is not an option, I need them ahead of time so I can do the labeling needed before packing. She says OK, she will get them to me by Wednesday (yesterday).
Tuesday comes and I ask her when on Wednesday is she dropping them off? CRICKETS! I ask a different friend that she has more connect to to call her (also he's participating in the exchage). He gets back to me around 3pm on Wednesday saying she's still working on them and that she will have them by packing day.
I lost it. I told him to tell her this is not an option. She has until Friday at 6pm to get me her ornaments.
It's not just the constant putting off of the deadline thinking that since she agreed to be part of the packing process, she can just bring them there. It's the ignoring my direct messages. It's the constant "6 more to do" when she's now had almost 2 years. Frankly, she's the reason I had initially set the deadline for end of September and not mid-August like I had initially wanted to. Just to give her a little more time.
I do intend to talk to her.
The two friends who are participating in this year's exchange that I have spoken to agree that if we do this next year, she will not be allowed to participate. I have no problem with that part of the conversation. It's the conversation about how her behavior in this has affected me. I know it will spiral her anxiety and possibly cause her to shut down, no matter how softly I approach with with "I feel" statements. But I feel like she needs to know how this has made me stress over this project to the point of coming close to saying someone that else needs to come take all the ornaments from me, pack them up and distribute them because I'm done.
She's part of my SCA household and chosen family and it's the disrespect I am feeling towards me and this project that frankly hurts.
I want to scream that this is why I hate to do group projects. There's always one.
Anyway, thank you void for letting me scream into you.
For the 2nd year in a row I have been organizing an Advent Holiday Ornament Exchange. (I was a participant for one year then organized it last year and this year). The premise - 25 people make 25 handmade ornaments, I collect them all, and pack them up so 25 people get a different ornament to open each day from December 1st to December 25. Yes, I know advents are 1-24, I can't count so I ended up with 25 people signing up.
The due date to get their ornaments to me was September 30th. This was to give me time to see what size box/bag I would need to hold the 25 ornaments and give a little wiggle room for the inevitable "I just need one more week, sorry" that always happens.
Packing party day is November 1st. As of today, October 30th I have 24 sets of ornaments. It's the 25th person who is driving me to the point of rage and fighting the urge to quit this all for good.
She signed up last year and half way through the year contacted me saying that life was too much and she had to drop out. But she said she had more than half of the ornaments done so she would now have plenty of time to complete the rest for this year. I understood - life happens. So when the sign up for this year happened, I let her join because I was going with the she had more than half done already.
Throughout the year I would post to the FB group for the project asking how people were doing and if they anticipated any issues withe the delivery date. She would respond with that she was on track. Great!
Then came August. I sent out a reminder of the end of September due date. Other participants did the "Oh crap, gotta finish mine right away". She was silent. September came - silent. I messaged her directly and after several pokes got "I just have 6 more, I may need a week or so". OK. October 1st arrives and I contact the few stragglers about when I can anticipate delivery. She's silent. I poke SEVERAL times and end up having to ask a mutual friend to reach out on my behalf because I feel like I'm being ignored. Mutual friend comes back with "she says she still has 6 to do and will get them to me by October 18th.
The weekend of the 18th comes and goes with her ignoring my messages of "when can I expect you to stop by with your ornaments?" Ask mutual friend to step in again. Straggler finally messages me at 10pm on Sunday saying "I still have 6 more. I can bring them to packing day". I tell her that is not an option, I need them ahead of time so I can do the labeling needed before packing. She says OK, she will get them to me by Wednesday (yesterday).
Tuesday comes and I ask her when on Wednesday is she dropping them off? CRICKETS! I ask a different friend that she has more connect to to call her (also he's participating in the exchage). He gets back to me around 3pm on Wednesday saying she's still working on them and that she will have them by packing day.
I lost it. I told him to tell her this is not an option. She has until Friday at 6pm to get me her ornaments.
It's not just the constant putting off of the deadline thinking that since she agreed to be part of the packing process, she can just bring them there. It's the ignoring my direct messages. It's the constant "6 more to do" when she's now had almost 2 years. Frankly, she's the reason I had initially set the deadline for end of September and not mid-August like I had initially wanted to. Just to give her a little more time.
I do intend to talk to her.
The two friends who are participating in this year's exchange that I have spoken to agree that if we do this next year, she will not be allowed to participate. I have no problem with that part of the conversation. It's the conversation about how her behavior in this has affected me. I know it will spiral her anxiety and possibly cause her to shut down, no matter how softly I approach with with "I feel" statements. But I feel like she needs to know how this has made me stress over this project to the point of coming close to saying someone that else needs to come take all the ornaments from me, pack them up and distribute them because I'm done.
She's part of my SCA household and chosen family and it's the disrespect I am feeling towards me and this project that frankly hurts.
I want to scream that this is why I hate to do group projects. There's always one.
Anyway, thank you void for letting me scream into you.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-10-30 11:39 pm (UTC)I had two drop out this year (one in time I could make plans to cover for them, one late enough that I had to shorten the calendar). Then with the postal strike, I've had one contributor's delivery now go completely AWOL, in part because she didn't read the directions, and mailed the ornaments without tracking, so we don't have ANY idea where in the system they are. She's sending some replacements by Purolator that are supposed to arrive tomorrow. After this year, I'm just done.