The power

Since getting back from Pennsic this year, I have found myself more down than in past years, often curling up as small as possible and force snuggling one of the four-footeds (not that Grimmy, Nimbus or Ozy mind... though Puck would prefer I don't and Lily Rose doesn't make herself available for it). I got to wondering why was this year different?

I think I figured it out. This is the first year in 10 years that I was on brain meds. My serotonin levels are back to at least closer to where they should be so I am more aware of things. And the thing that I am now aware of... the lack of human touch in my every day life. I had noticed it before but this year it's stronger.

At Pennsic, surrounded my tons of friends, I got the daily casual touch that we humans do. It's a primate thing. The unconscious reaching out and touching a fellow human - confirming to both that they are there, aware of each other, etc. At war, I would get constant stray confirmation touches and hugs. At home and work, I do not. This is one reason I try very hard to keep my bi-weekly nail appointment. But other than my nail appointment last Monday and a hug from my one boss, I've had no human touch in over a week.

And unfortunately, this is not something that will change. If I had the funds, I'd consider getting a regular massage appointment (though my last experience was horrific) or something like that. The literal 5 minutes it takes to trim my undercut at the hair salon doesn't count and it just cannot afford to add a wash to it (though that would be divine).

I think I need to figure out a way to fix this. Something to ponder.