It's a little box, but it's still my soap box

[baronessekat]

As some who have known me for years, those who have followed my LJ for a while and others may know, but for the sake of those who have just found this little corner of the universe, the last 8 years have seen a great deal of heartache for me.

Since 2000 I have lost both parents (one unexpectedly), three of my four grandparents, a cousin, an aunt, numerous SCA friends and now a dear Friend whose role in my life is beyond definition. Through all this I have come to learn some valuable lessons that I need to share.

1. LIFE INSURANCE. If you do not have it, get it now. I don't care if you are 8 or 80. Minimum of a $10,000 policy. This will cover the basic expenses of a funeral. It may not cover burial or any of the other cemetery related expenses but it will cover the cost of a simple funeral in most of the US. I personally have mine set up so that any dividends I get on it gets rolled right back into the policy.

1a. Make sure you family, friends, dependents of any kind know what company your life insurance is through.

1b. Make sure you know the details about life insurance policies for those you love. Make sure they give the proof. My mother swore to me and my sister that she had life insurance. Even now, almost two years after her passing we have not found any proof of it (and yes, believe me we've done EVERYTHING to locate a policy so no need to send suggestions)

2. HEALTH CARE PROXY If you don't give one fig about what happens to you if you can't make your own decisions then don't worry about this. But I believe that 99.999999% of us have some opinions about what we want if something should happen to us. Do you want a complete DNR (total no heroic measures)? Do you want some mechanical assistance to survive? Do you want to be an organ donor? Do you want your body given to medical schools for learning/research? If you have any opinion at all.. make sure you get it down in writing and witnesses. Talk to your primary doctor about your wishes. Most have the paperwork in their office. If they don't talk to a lawyer about getting one drawn up. Especially if there is any chance different family members might end up fighting over what they want for you.

This is again something that we (my sister and I) learned from our Mother. She had at least expressed her wishes to us and her doctor though she never got the paperwork in place.

3. POWER OF ATTORNEY This one is not as important but it helps to have someone designated as Power of Attorney should you be unable to give consent to something not medically related. Especially for things like bank accounts that may have the money needed to pay for things like funeral expenses, hospital expenses that need to be paid/a down payment made before the paperwork gets filed and approved for the executor of your estate to be official (my suggestion is that your POA for your bank account is your Executor/executrix)

4. SUPPLEMENTAL HOSPITALIZATION INSURANCE Many life insurance companies carry this. AFLAC I know has it as does State Farm. Basically this is an insurance that you pay into on the off chance you have to receive medical treatment. It usually pays for things like ambulance, Emergency Room, inpatient hospitalization, ICU space, etc. Mine costs me around $10 a month but I feel it's worth it. When my mother died and we processed the paperwork, between what Medicare covered and then the SHI, we actually received money back for her death. But this also works for things like you break a leg and have to go to the hospital. They cover the ER visit, sometimes the x-rays, the ambulance if you took one. This is not a necessary thing to have but a good bit of added protection for you and your family.

5. ESTATE RECORD BOOK A notebook/ledger that has all your important information in it. It lists your bank accounts, insurances, annuities and IRAs, etc. This is helpful information to those who must settle your estate after you're gone. Many members of my family had one. Just do me a favor... when you get one, actually fill it out. Having one but not filling it in is useless.

6. Tell those you love that you love them. Regularly and heartfelt.

Thank you.

Comments

[thlmakai.livejournal.com]

Nobody likes to think about this stuff, but you are so right. When Saunooke and I went to take care of our wills etc, the attorney told us that her parents had been in a freak car accident. They were okay (eventually), but having the POA and medical POA made things so much simpler for the family to make decisions.

Part of being a grown-up is being responsible. Taking care of your family includes this stuff as well.

Hugs sweetie.

[theboomboom.livejournal.com]

Moo baby

[ariannawyn.livejournal.com]

I would add having at least a basic will. When Johan died without a will, I was lucky that I lived in Pennsylvania, which has pretty clear and straight-forward laws of inheritance that favors spouses. Other states may not. Also, a will can help prevent, or at least minimize, any squabbling among family members.

Since Johan's death, I set up all of the above, and designated two different friends as guardian for my kids and executor of the estate, and keep a document updated with all of the above relevant information.

And a will!

[countessali.livejournal.com]

And a will!

Please, please, please write a short will. Everyone. Now.

When Andrew lost his Dad his will was outdated and everything was messy and had to go through probate. When Andrew lost his Mom there was no will and it was messy and went through probate. When Andrew lost his brother he was only 37 and thought he had lots of time to write a will. More probate headaches.

Probate takes your money. Probate adds stress to your grieving family. Do not assume it will automatically go to your spouse cuz it wont.

So get one of those will forms from any office supply store and fill it out.

My life lesson.

And ditto on telling your family you love them. Every day at every opportunity.

[maricelt.livejournal.com]

Good sound advice all.

And talk to your loved ones about what they want, and get it down and legal before they have an injury or a stroke. And make sure everyone that might have power of attorney is in on that conversation. That's what I have learned.

[hugh-mannity.livejournal.com]

Good advice. But don't forget a will.

It's also worth having 2 sets of copies of all the above documents. One set, *clearly marked* in a fairly obvious location in your house (like your desk or file cabinet). The other set should be with your bank, lawyer, or some other reliable person.

The copies should have a note that they are copies and that the originals are stored at *location*.

It's also worth reviewing and revising things like wills, powers of attorney, and health care proxies on a regular basis.


I'm sorry that you've seen so much loss in such a short time. This most recent loss must seem unbearably hard and unfair. I wish you and His Grace's extended family peace and healing in their grief. Perhaps one day, you'll be able (and willing) to have a drink or two with me at Pennsic and regale me with stories of a man I wish I'd known.

Abso-freaking-LUTELY.

[3fgburner.livejournal.com]

A. and I just did the revocable-living-trust thing. Still need to populate the durn thing, but that's coming along.

{{{HUGS}}} I know that all losses hurt. Sudden and unexpected ones hurt worse. You, and Morghun's extended family, are all in my prayers.

[lizreay.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I need to get my living will notarized...have for years now. Guess it's time to get off my ass.

You are so completely right!

[house-elf.livejournal.com]

And the will has to be something legitimate. My grandfather passed away 3 years ago, and we are still reeling from whaat happened. His will stated that his two sons were supposed to continue to run the farm together, jointly. It didn't happen that way. We got a large chunk of the land, and his other son got the money. That left us with no way to handle the day to day financial requirements of the farm. My parents are still fighting to keep the farm.

My fiancee and I just a week or 2 ago had Medical POA's witnessed, making each of us the other's POA. That was part of the required packet of paperwork for him to register me as his domestic partner so I can get benefits through Carnegie Mellon Univ., where he works. Now we both have health insurance (though I'm waiting on my insurance card to come in the mail), and life insurance. He has yett to take care of a will, but has promised to do so, and has spoken with his lawyer about sitting down to do that.

My parents don't have wills, but my fiancee's atty has agreed to sit down and take care of it for a reasonable price, and that will be done soon.