THE Ex.

[baronessekat]

One of the people on my flist spoke today of the feelings, thoughts and emotions she felt when she spotted THE Ex across the way. I keep her name out of it for her own privacy (I'll only give it if she give me permission).

But it got me thinking of THE Ex. You know who he/she is. They are that one we had in college (usually). That one that tore out our hearts, stomped on them and proverbally spit on you as they walked away, all the while claiming they still wanted to be friends.

They were that one that we kept telling ourselves "it's ok. It was something we did or didn't do." or "S/he will change this time."

For me it has been almost 12 years since I finally found the courage, emotional support and belief in myself and my friends to say goodbye for the last time. After a year and a half of emotional hell, on again-off again dating and sex, and even the stupid idea that when he asked me to marry him he meant it.

But looking back on it now, for me, I almost want to thank him. If it had not been for him I would not have found the SCA in the way I did. I might have found it through Portia like I did, but I never would have been as active as I became. He was the one that was the fencer originally. I tagged along to practice because it was what he did.

But because of that I learned to fence as well. I meet nightfalljen and her boy. They stood with me through the hell he and I put me through. And I include myself as part of the parties for my hell. I went willingly into it. I talked myself into going back again and again. But Jen and Rian and Ivan and Elisah and several others helped me get through the final break up. They kept me sane.

If it had not been for THE Ex getting me into the SCA I never would have met my best friend who at the time was becoming involved with the most recent ex of THE Ex. Oh the vicious little circles of life.

I never would have become involved in House Dragonsbane who introduced me to Caer Cinniuit.

If it had not been for THE Ex I would not have my Family.

In retrospect, I would not be the person I am today if it were not for my version of THE Ex.

So while I had to endure a year and a half of total temporary insanity, loosing a unhealthy amount of weight, and almost the need to be committed to R-Wing, to my THE Ex, I have only two words to say...

Thank you.

PS - you don't know what you gave up to be the selfish, arrogant asshole. But that's your loss.

(OK, maybe I'm still a little bitter. I'm human)

Comments

[damedini.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I have two THE exes. One is obvious, still causing me pain, but without whom I wouldn't have TK. I am slowly rebuilding my self-esteem. And I survived, which wasn't always certain.
The first THE ex was long ago, in another life. I was the dumper, not the dumpee, but only after I'd been through a major personal trajedy, needing him so badly while he gamed. He was totally not there for me, which *is* typical of a teenage boy, but also a mark of his personality then. If he were single I might wonder what if, but he's not and I really like his wife. I'd even love to be friends again, but he isn't open to it. Which is OK. *sigh*