Brain Weasels

[baronessekat]

I'm fighting serious ones right now. They are poking the complete and utter Imposter Syndrome that I have been feeling A LOT in the SCA right now.

Last month I went on a road trip with Baroness K and we got to talking as we do and we plotted out a series of classes for a schola track on Deeds of Service. As she is good at doing she got me to agree to moderate a round table at an upcoming schola that more or less focuses on those of us who enjoy service, find it fun and are doing it because it's "more than a cookie".

Well that schola is this weekend. My anxiety has had me not really thinking on it since our discussion in the car back in January. I did post to a Pelican FaceBook group asking for what others thought would be good talking points should there be a need to come up with some.

I know a roundtable tends to run itself and be rather organic and feel flow stream of thought, but I'm still nervous as fuck. I'm having to hit back the BWs with a stick as right now they are screaming for me to back out, don't go, where do I get off thinking I can do this.

No seriously, right now the idea of even packing garb for Saturday is almost panic inducing. I shook as I typed out the possible talking points out into a word doc on my lunch.

I have always enjoyed this upcoming event - I autocratted it twice and organized classes twice as well back when I lived in that barony. I get to see Mini-Minion (who is not so mini anymore). I get to see and spend time with friends.

I just need to pull on the big girl panties on Saturday morning and get in the car and go.

Yeah.. just that.

*tries to ignore the chittering sounds from the back of my brain*