*sigh*

[baronessekat]

I'm tired of the depression. It's getting worse and hitting harder. It's taking more and more energy to "put on the happy, nothing's wrong" face when I deal with anyone.

The stupidest things are setting me off onto a downward spiral.

Boo and Boogie were so wonderful yesterday to help me get out of one of the spirals and it meant a lot that they were there to help talk me out.

But, the depression is still there.

Part of me is starting to think of calling my PCP and ask for something. But part of me sees that as defeat. I've gotten myself out of depressions before.

I'm also leary as I saw the effects of antidepressants on my mother. I wish I could remember what one she was on, but the side effects for her were rather nasty and I don't want to deal with that.

Part of me wishes I still worked at CPEP. At least there I worked with Psychiatrists and could ask them for suggestions. Maybe I'll send an email to my old Boss and ask him for advice.

Or wait and see if Pennsic will be the attitude reboot I need.

I probably should call the PCP anyway just to get something for the asthma. I'm hitting the inhalor at least 4 times a day the last week and a half. I"m sure all the steroids I'm shooting into my system aren't helping the depression any.

It would just be nicer to crawl into a corner, dwell in the depression and loneliness and avoid the world. Unfortunately that won't pay the bills.

Comments

[meirwen.livejournal.com]

"I've gotten myself out of depressions before." Yes, but every depression episode has different causes, and sometimes that means that what has worked in the past won't work in the present.

Call/write Glenn.

[damedini.livejournal.com]

Dear heart, you're still mourning, and moving into the Doma won't be helping. My grandma died in 2001 and as I type this my tears still well up. I still cry my eyes out with missing her. It takes time.
On top of that you are making a massive move, which is also traumatic. It'd be a wonder if you /weren't/ a bit blue! Do as you say above, but also try to do a bit more for you; you time in whatever way you prefer. Get the last bits out of your apt, sure, but also take some time out of the Doma refurb to relax and stare at the TV with your gals. Come to Toronto in Sept and we'll do the zoo, and maybe High Tea and the King Edward Hotel, which is veddy veddy and they have cute waiters.
Pennsic will help.

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

Yes you can get yourself out of depressions, and anti-depressants can be a powerful tool for helping with that. For me, anti-depressants help me get out of the "oh god it's all hopeless" part of depression, so I can deal with the rest of it myself.

Also, you've had some incredibly huge life upheavals recently. Death of a parent and moving are two of the biggest stressors out there. You're not weak for having htem hit you hard.

[ostgardraine.livejournal.com]

Hey T,
Sorry to hear you are in a dark place.
Definitely call your PCP, the steroids are probably not helping things.
From one who has been there...
reach out to your old boss,as getting advice from someone you trust is a good place to begin; one of the things that helped me when I as at my worse a few months back was talking with a friend of mine who is a therapist and getting his opinion on my depression and his take on meds and therapy.
I have been on Wellbutrin and talk therapy for a few months now and I am doing well, the Wellbutrin hasn't left me feeling "medicated" or messed with my empathy, it just makes the downs not so far down, and the therapy helps me because it's one place where I can talk it all out (something I need) without fear of judgment or that I am being a bother.

I am here if you want to talk.....

Love you

[eternalmusings.livejournal.com]

Mom was on Paxil, or however it's spelled.

[theboomboom.livejournal.com]

Making an appt with the PCP doesn't commit you to anything. Getting the asthma looked at before Pennsic if possible would be good. Come to war, recharge, sit in hammock and talk to my girl about meds and depression, and see where you are when you get home.

Are you going to do your walking club this year? That might be something you can control that could make you feel better.

And what others have said...you are in mourning...you are to some extent supposed to be depressed now, especially now that the move is over. YOu've had that to drive you up until now.

Love you